Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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