I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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