And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
