Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
