who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
