Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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