The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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