3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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