I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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