listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
