it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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