I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
