My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
