I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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