I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
