Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
