Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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