So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
