I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this is an emotional support booty call
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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