I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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