The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
