my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
