There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
