Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
