Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
