aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
