just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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