seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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