you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
