I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
