Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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