my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
