So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
