yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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