Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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