Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
