You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
