So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
