I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
