the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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