I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize