Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
