Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You need a sexual gate keeper
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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