hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
