I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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