no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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