Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
