how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
