Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
