I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
