i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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