belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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