Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
