Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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