im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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