How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
