hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
