You made me cry and you don't even care
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
