I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
two words...techno handjob
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
