i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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