he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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