Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
