my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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