There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
