His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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