Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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