I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
