i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
