At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
