Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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