SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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