my phone needs a breathalizer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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