my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
