am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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