Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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