Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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