Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
