it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
